Betrayal
by HermyCaz
Summary: Sirius has been a friend to Remus; has he now thrown all the friendship away, after some silly mistake? Remus's point of view of 'The Incident'
1. Chapter 1

_**Updated chapter of Betrayal.**_

_I'm not sure weather to start at the beginning of their 1st year...or just carry on from here; I might start a bit earlier I think though._

_Let me know what you think of the first chapters and weather I should carry on :D I'm also thinking of changing it to third person...let me know on that too :) Although the story needs some work, I just want some advice at the moment.  
_

_Thanks_

_-HermyCaz  
_

**_Disclaimer: _**_Obviously, none of the characters are mine. They all belong to J.K.Rowling xx_

_**Remus's point of view**_

**Betrayal**

Remus:

It was James and Peter who told me what had happened last night; why the full moon was so bad, so painful.

I remember it being worse than normal, although I do not remember much. I remember my screams and scent as I scratched and bit myself. I also remember a different scent. A human scent.

I arrived back to the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey by my side. She held me steady while we walked from the Whomping Willow all the way to the hospital. As soon as we got there, she gently lifted me up and placed me on a bed. It was very warm and inviting, the softness of the sheets soothing my scarred skin.

James and Peter were there as soon as they heard that I was back, although Sirius was not there. Where was he?

"Where's Sirius?" I asked as they both sat down on a couple of chairs that Madam Pomfrey had put there when she found out they were coming. Neither of them answered my question. Something was worrying them, I could tell.

"James?" I pressured him for an answer, "where is he?"

"He's not coming" Peter answered instead.

"Why?" I asked, the sadness showing in my voice, "he's always here"

James then explained to me what happened. The pain in his voice was evident also. "I don't know…I don't know why he did it…" he faltered, "I mean, we all hate him, but I would never go as far…as far to do that-"

"He sent Snape to the Shrieking Shack" Peter finished for him, in a quiet voice.

I didn't know what to say. I began to shake, and tears filled my eyes. I didn't _want _to cry. I closed my eyes to prevent them from falling, but they fell anyway. I wiped them away angrily; I wasn't sad. I was angry that Sirius had done this. That he had betrayed me. Betrayed my trust. Used me as a weapon. James got up slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. He put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder gently. "We'll talk to him," he said quietly.

"No" I said, "I'll do it. I want to see him."

"Remus, I don't think that's a good idea-"

"James, please. I'll be alright."

James stood up and walked around to the end of the bed. "We'll be in the dorm when you're ready to come out" he said.

"Take your time on getting better" said Peter softly, gripping my arm gently. "If you need us….just let us know, okay?"

I nodded.

They both smiled warmly and walked out of the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey came over a few minutes later and gave me some healing potion for the pain. She told me I needed sleep and that I could go back to classes in the morning, as long as I promised to get some rest now. She would let me out later in the evening to return to the common room.

James and Peter were playing Exploding Snap when I entered the Gryffindor dormitory.

"Hey Remus" James said, "Feeling okay?"

"Fine" I replied, "I'm fine"

"You still look very tired, she shouldn't have let you out yet, and you need more rest"

"James! I'm fine, okay? Nothing to worry about" I said, a little more angrily than I had intended.

"Remus. I'm sorry…I'm just worried about you, that's all-"

"I know James, I'm sorry" I replied.

There was silence between us, I looked around the quiet dormitory, only hearing the crackling sound of the fire, as the last few ambers began to flicker and disappear. "Where's Sirius?" I asked in the same pained voice as I had before.

"Upstairs" Peter answered, "Want us to come too?" he added looking at me with concern.

"No. No, it's alright"

James gave me an encouraging look as I walked up the stairs; I turned around and smiled slightly at them both.

I walked quietly into the room, the door creaking gently as I opened it. Sirius was resting on his own bed, the curtains only half drawn. His eyes were closed, except he wasn't sleeping, I could sense that, his breathing was far too heavy for him to be sleeping. I noticed that he must have been crying at some point, because his cheeks were flushed red. He shivered a little as I opened the door.

I walked passed his bed and to my own sitting down on the soft quilt. Sirius opened his eyes and looked at me briefly. He got up slowly and leant against the headrest, taking his soft pillow in his hands and clutching it tightly.

"Remus..I" he started, his voice cracking.

"I don't want to hear it" I interrupted, by own voice breaking, as my throat tightened and the tears began to start again. "I could be expelled! Or worse…executed", my voice grew quieter, then I was shouting "And…it's all _your_ fault!"

"Remus, please" he pleaded, such sadness in his voice. "Hear me out...I just wanted to tell you…just to say that I am-"

"Sorry?" I added.

He was quiet; he pressed the pillow closer to his chest, and suddenly exploded into a wave of tears, streaming down his face and soaking the pillow as he pushed his face against it.

"Remus…I'm so sorry" he choked out, "I never meant for this to happen." His voice was muffled as he cried, "I..I just..got carried away…I never meant for _any _of this to happen,"

I could not look at him, I hated seeing him like this, and I felt that it was _my _fault. But it wasn't was it? It was _his _fault; however, I still didn't want to see him so upset. I turned away, and stared out of the window. I could see his reflection, his whole body shook with the force of this sobs. I wanted to go to him, to comfort him; but I held back. I stayed silent, and he didn't say anything either. After a few minutes of awkward silence between us, he got up with the pillow still in his hands, and headed for the door. "Goodnight" he whispered quietly, with so much pain in his voice, that it pulled at my heart. He opened the door, and hesitated for a moment.

"Goodnight" I whispered just as softly, although I don't think he heard me. He eventually walked out and closed the door gently behind him; I could hear the stairs creak as he ran down.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sirius's point of view**_

Is this working...or should it be third person? :)

**Sirius:**

I was lying on my bed with my eyes closed when I heard someone come in. I could sense them as they walked passed and sat on the bed opposite me, Remus' bed. It had to be him. Peter and James were still playing exploding snap downstairs.

I opened my eyes and caught a glimpse of him as he sat down. I got up and leant back, holding my pillow to my chest; this made me feel better, and safer, the softness sort of comforting me.

I started to talk to him, I could hear my voice breaking and feel tears coming, but I held them back. He interrupted me as I began to talk, I could tell that he was upset too as his voice was shaking. He shouted. Told me it was my fault. I knew it was; it just made me feel worse that he actually told me. I pleaded with him, but he wanted none of it; he wouldn't talk, he just remained quite.

I didn't say anything and neither did he. I pulled the pillow closer to my chest, and then I was crying again. The tears flooded down my flushed cheeks and I pressed my face against the pillow. I knew there was no point in trying to stem the flow, as the tears kept falling thick and fast.

I apologized. I said sorry so many times I lost count. Although I knew I wouldn't get his forgiveness just yet, I still felt the need to apologize.

Remus remained silent though, he turned away to stare out of the window. I stayed quiet too; I could feel myself shaking and gripped the pillow tighter. At this point, all I wanted was his forgiveness, although I knew I wouldn't get it, or even deserved it.

I stood up, still holding the pillow and walked slowly to the door. I hesitated, "Goodnight" I whispered to Remus. I don't know what he said, but I heard a quiet sound and thought that he must have said goodnight also. I opened the door and walked through, then closed it gently behind me. I stopped for a second, and ran down the creaking stairs. I was greeted with the concerned faces of James and Peter as I came to the end.

"Sirius?" James said, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, "Fine" I answered quietly, although my tears showed otherwise. He reached out and gripped my arm gently.

"Are you sure?"

I shook my head and wiped the tears from my face. When I didn't answer he pulled me into a gentle hug. I didn't deserve his affection. I had betrayed Remus and he was still being nice to me. I pulled away from his grasp, but he only held me tighter; the tears started to fall once more; oh stop it! I didn't _want _to cry again.

"Don't" I said simply, "Go and see if Remus is okay"

James let me go and I moved to walk into the common room, "Goodnight" he said softly.

"See you in the morning," Peter added.

They both smiled and I smiled back, even though I didn't feel like it. They carried on up the stairs, and I watched them as they walked into the dormitory.

I threw my pillow onto the sofa, and collapsed on top after it, burying my face into its softness. I gradually fell asleep, with the thoughts of betrayal and loss still clear in my mind.

It must have been early morning, when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I was half-asleep and I kept my eyes closed. I knew who it was anyway; they knelt down in front of me, I felt them lift their hand and gently push the hair from my face. I flinched at the touch, and opened my eyes as Remus took his hand away.

"I came to check if you were okay…" he said in a gentle tone.

I closed my eyes again, "I'm fine", I said

"No. You're not" he replied plainly, "I'm sorry about last night, I should have talked with you…I shouldn't have shouted…I'm sorry. I was just so mixed up…upset and angry.."

"I'm the one who should be sorry…I don't know what made me do it…I…I just-" I faltered, opening my eyes.

"It's okay," Remus said softly, brushing away the hair that had fallen into my eyes.

"No, it's not" I replied.

"I _can't _forgive you for what you did, you know that….but I want to.."

"I don't deserve forgiveness"

He smiled. "If you can't forgive your friends, then who's left to forgive?

I smiled a little too. He pressed my shoulder gently, "I want to forgive you" he continued, "just give me time, okay? I just want to be friends again"

"But-" I started, but he held his hand up to stop me. He left quietly, leaving me alone in the common room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Remus:**

I felt awful after shouting at Sirius, even though it _was _his fault, and immediately wanted to go after him and apologize. But I didn't. I didn't get the chance anyway; just as I was getting up, James and Peter walked through the door.

"Hey, Remus" said Peter, "Is everything okay?"

I looked at him and there must have been a guilty look in my eyes, because James came over and pulled me into a friendly hug. I closed my eyes as they began to fill with tears and fall lightly down my face, "I shouted…he was so upset about it…and I just shouted…I…I couldn't help myself..I was angry.."

"It's alright," replied James, rubbing my back in circles; this made me feel better. "He'll be okay, what matters now, is that if you're okay"

"I will be," I said as I pulled away, "I just need sleep now"

I walked over to my bed, and slipped into the warm inviting covers, except, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep. I was worrying to much. I just wanted to go and talk to Sirius, tell him I was sorry.

James and Peter were asleep; they didn't seem worried about the situation, although I think they were concerned about the both of us, and if the argument would send us apart. I hope it doesn't, I just want to make things right again.

The worry got too much for me and I jumped out of bed. I crept down the stairs to the dormitory and looked around the corner. Sirius was sleeping on the sofa next to the fire, the tiny flame flickering and casting shadows over his face. I walked over quietly and knelt down in front of him. Hair was falling over his eyes and I gently brushed it away. He flinched at my touch and I took my hand away as he opened his eyes.

I only came to see if he was okay; he certainly didn't look okay, his eyes looks so sad and full of sorrow. When I asked, he said that he was fine, although I knew better. It was me who should be apologizing. I didn't want to shout, I didn't want to make him feel worse for what he did. I should have just talked with him, when he wanted to talk to me. I was just so upset and angry at the whole situation.

He kept apologizing too, I didn't want him to do that either, I wanted it all to be okay, even though I knew it couldn't go back to the way it was. We could not be friends they way we used to be. There would always be something between us. Something that would stay there forever and never leave. Like a weight holding both of us down; like rope holding us apart, stopping us from becoming closer.

I told him it was okay and he told me that he didn't deserve forgiveness. I know he doesn't deserve it, but I want to give it to him so badly. I only want to be friends again. Even if it can't be the same, at least we'd be talking to each other.

I felt so guilty after he had said that, he voice sounded so mixed up with hurt and sorrowful emotions.

"If you can't forgive your friends, then who's left to forgive? I smiled, and he smiled back slightly too.

I reached out and pressed his shoulder gently, "I want to forgive you" I continued, "Just give me time okay? I just want to be friends again"

I held up my hand as he started to protest and he stopped. I smiled again and nodded, then left the common room quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

_**This chapter needs more work…I just wanted to add it for now.**_

_**Actually…they all need work xD**_

**Sirius:**

I woke up late that morning, and went upstairs to the dormitory to get ready and go down for breakfast in the Great Hall. All beds were empty and James, Peter and Remus were nowhere to be seen. I had a shower and got dressed. The coldness of the water made me shiver and burned off the heat of my skin. I let the water run over my body for a while.

I didn't feel like going down to breakfast, I still felt guilty; I didn't even want to see the others, knowing that it would only make me feel worse because they were not angry with me at all. However, after sitting alone in the dormitory I finally got up and left for the Great Hall. As soon as I entered I saw Remus sitting with James and Peter, all three of them laughing at a joke that James had probably told.

Remus noticed me almost immediately and smiled. I tried to avoid his eyes, but James noticed me too and called me over. I hesitated and walked over sitting opposite Remus, looking down at the table, constantly trying to avoid his eyes; they were no doubt filled with sympathy, and I didn't want to see that.

He leaned over the table and tried to look me in the eye. He poked me playfully. "Are you okay?" he questioned.

I nodded.

"Have something to eat"

"I'm not hungry" I replied. We all sat in silence until it was time to leave for our first lesson, which was to be Potions.

We arrived there and walked in, the room was already buzzing with students. Remus noticed his friend Darius and immediately walked over to him, he spoke to him happily and Remus smiled. They both sat down together with James and Peter occupying the seats behind. I was left to wander and take the table three behind James.

Professor Slughorn put us into pairs for the potion-making, and I was obviously stuck with Severus, as me and him were the only ones not sitting with a partner. I walked down to the front of the class, as he was reluctant to move from his table. I passed James and Peter and they both gave me an encouraging smile; passing Remus, I noticed that he was still talking and laughing with Darius. I sat down next to Severus and nodded in greeting.

During the lesson I wasn't particularly listening to what Slughorn was saying; talking about hair colour-changing potion or something. I was thinking about the Animagi potion and thought that it was about time that we told Remus about it, although I didn't want him to know it was my idea.

"I'm sorry," I said. Before I even realized I said it Severus had replied; "I have no time for stupid apologizes that are not going to get acceptance"

I closed my eyes and nodded slightly.

"Just go and collect the ingredients," he ordered.

I reluctantly got up and returned with the ingredients in my arms, dropping them onto the table and taking my seat again.

The lessons that followed were near enough the same. However in Herbology, being in a group with Remus and his sympathetic eyes watching me all the time was too much. I didn't want his sympathy. I continued with the lesson and didn't talk to anyone. Since Herbology was the last lesson of the day, it ended and I followed the others to the common room.

"Just gonna catch up on some homework in the Library, I'll see you guys later" Remus said.

James and Peter smiled and he hurried off to the library with Darius.

Arriving at the common room, James and Peter collapsed on the sofas by the fire where we always sit together, throwing their bags over to the side. I sat down on the red and gold striped rug, leaning my back against the armchair Peter was sitting in. We sat in companionable silence for a while; only the sound of a few students leaving the dormitory could be heard. The flickering of the fire was comforting and cast shadows over the room.

"I was thinking.."I said quietly.

"Better not do that too much" James joked.

I smiled, "Thanks James"

"No problem" he said, waving his hand and smiling.

"Anyway.." I continued, "I was thinking. Maybe we should tell Remus about this whole Animagi thing. I think it's about time we did"

"Why?" asked Peter, "I thought it was a secret, I haven't even got the hang of it yet. I can't do it"

"Well…I…Maybe…I thought….After what happened, it would be a good idea that's all" My voice was shaky; I hoped James would say yes, and then I wouldn't have to be the one to tell Remus about it.

"Hmm" James said, "I'm thinking…that could be a good idea" he smiled at me and nodded. "You can tell him"

No, I didn't want to, James can tell him. Or Peter can. "No!" I said, a little more loudly that I had wanted. "No. I don't want him to know it was my idea."

"Why not?" asked Peter.

"Just…I just…don't tell him…please" I got up picking up by bag and walked over to the table in the corner. I sat down and retrieved my homework, and waved it at them. "Potions essay" was all I said. James just shook his head and continued smiling. "Hey, Peter. Fancy a game of exploding snap?"

"Sure!" Peter replied, "I'm better now. I'll beat you"

"Sure you will," said James sarcastically.

I just sat at the table staring at the blank parchment; the only thing I had been able to write was the title; _"Essay on Hair colour-changing Potion and how to avoids its consequences" _Yes, that was a very interesting essay, what can be written on that, I don't know.

I was too worried to write. Of course James would say it was my idea, I just didn't want him to, and hoped that he didn't either.

It was probably about an hour later and Remus entered the common room. I guessed that he had not seen me, because I knew that he would have made the effort to smile or wave. He went over to James and Peter, and took the same seat that I had done before. I smiled to myself.

'Please don't tell him' I found myself thinking, 'I don't want him to know it was me'

I heard them talking; I heard most of what they were saying.

"Sirius has something to tell you," James said at once; I looked over and watched them, listening carefully. "But he doesn't actually _want_ to tell you, silly isn't it? So it's down to us to let you know"

Remus just stared at him looking confused. "What is it? Anything important?"

"Well, no. Yes…it is."

"To us anyway" Peter added.

"Here" James said, "Read this" he leaned over the arm of the sofa, took a book out of his bag and passed it to Remus who hesitantly took it.

"Animagi?" he asked quietly, "but that's dangerous...you could stay like it….and never turn back. You have to be registered, and…and it's illegal…..and dangerous" he sounded scared.

"No worries" said James, holding his hand up to silence him. "We've practiced already…Peter can't do it yet…well none of us can…But me and Sirius are nearly there"

I looked away as I noticed Remus had got up and started to come over to where I was sitting and I stared down at the table. He came over quietly and stood behind me. I ducked my head down as he put his arms gently around my neck. He was crying; I could feel his tears soaking my hair and neck as he rested his face against my head.

"I miss you" he whispered, "just talk to me"

I continued to look down as my own eyes filled with tears again. "I know" I replied quietly, my voice was shaking also, "I miss you too" I reached up and put my hands on his arms, and this only made him grip me tighter. I didn't need him to say _'Thank You'_, this was enough thanks for me. Maybe this was his way of saying _'I forgive you'_


End file.
